Suppression of emotions

While reading the book on "victory over the Darkness" by Neil T. Anderson, i realised that i've been suppressing myself towards my ex-cgl for not handling my issues well. I always tell God that i'll forgive and let go, but as i read on, i realised i did not. In the book, it mentioned that Suppression is a conscious denial of feeling. So, i've learnt to ignore my feelings and chose not to deal with it.
I seem to lose the battle each time when my emotions about what my cgl shd have at least done.
I never thought that i need emotional healings, but i have to admit that each time when i see him, it will keep reminding me of the past. Though i can still pretend that nothing ever happen, and talk to him as usual, but i know deep inside my heart, it's a pain. I did pray to God that i'll forgive him, and he did apologise for not doing his part to help us, but i still could not let go. And i know that if i forgive men for their transgressions, my Heavenly Father will also forgive me. But if i don't forgive men, then my Heavenly Father will not forgive my transgressions. (Matt 6:14,15) We must base our relationships with others on the same criteria on which God bases His relationship with us: love, acceptance and forgiveness. (Matt 18:21-35)
God, do you still love me for not able to let go the past hurts? I keep asking myself this question as it seems that i never break free from this issue.